love

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Love may look like many things to many people. 

It may look like patience when you allow things to unfold the way they want to unfold.

It may look like tolerance and acceptance when you let people be what they need to be – even if you don't think it's terrific. 

Love may also look like being good to yourself and knowing that you are doing your very best.

It may be in serving someone without expecting recognition or gain.

It may be in simply living your life in honesty and integrity, and keeping your agreements with yourself and others.

And, of course, love can also come in many other forms and expressions.

So simply start by being in the loving and then let your expression and behavior come from that.

be yourself

You may have heard the saying “Be yourself”.

“But how do I do this?” - you may wonder, just as I did, for years. The invitation sounded vaguely alluring to me. I could sense that it must be beneficial in some way, but I had no idea what it really meant to be me, how to accomplish it, or where to even begin…Today, as a therapist and relationship coach, I know that a good place to begin is to find out what is true for you. What is true about you. And what it is that you need, desire and long for.

Once you know that, you can learn how to express it—so you and those around you feel safe, heard and understood.

 

This is the focus of The Art of Truth weekend training.

For many of us truth might be buried under layers of other people’s truth, social norms and expectations to accommodate or please others.  It might be difficult to express what we really feel or think—out of fear of disapproval and rejection.

If you’d like to discover what is your truth, so you can learn how to get what you need and want, feel good about yourself, trust yourself more and create more intimate connections with those you love, this weekend is for you.

the secret for deep emotional connection

Welcome to Part 4 of The Art of Truth video series!

In today’s video I will reveal the most important thing to remember when you communicate from this level of truth. It is the foundation for deep emotional connection with others.  

Knowing, expressing and communicating our truth is essential for our wellbeing.

How we do it is a skill. And skills can be learned.

Mastering the art of Truth is an important part of my work—I help people to find, voice and live their truth, so they can have better relationships and enjoy more fulfilling life. I facilitate workshops and trainings that teach people useful communication skills, to help them relate authentically.

In the upcoming The Art of Truth weekend training, we will be practicing the important skills of truthful communication that create deeper connection and can improve any relationship. Including yours.

 

speaking your truth is a habit

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As children, or as young adults we learned that to say the truth can be damaging or dangerous. We learned to withhold the truth, keep it in, sugarcoat it, say white lies or bluntly lie to protect others, or to shield ourselves from others’ anger…

Sharing your truth while staying connected to your heart’s truest desires is the focus of my work, and the key to the way I teach authentic relating. When working with me my clients learn (and practice) how to express in order to create connection and support closeness. I help them unlearn outdated habits and to discover why saying what’s true in each moment is preferable to withdrawal and disconnect.

You too can learn to navigate the depths of your shadow and shine light on what needs to be transformed. You too will know what to do when communication is infected by control dynamics. 

Attending to reality in a discerning, present and masterful way is a key to creating genuine connection and successful relationships. And this is at the foundation of working with me.

 

exploring your truth   

For me telling the truth is a spiritual practice.

Developing awareness of what’s true for us is the first step that opens the door to living authentically. To me this means aligning with our soul and honoring the whole Self.

In this 5-minute video I outline the two aspects of Level One of telling the truth.

See what resonates with you.

I have to be honest with you

I have to be honest with you. I've started making videos–and it's frightening.

Showing up on video is a huge stretch for me. I am more used to being behind the camera, not in front of it.
 
I’m an introvert. I’m super-sensitive, self-conscious and camera-shy. 
English is not my native language and I sometimes stumble to find the right words. Staring at the single eye of a camera and speaking into The Void is terrifying to me.
 
And yet I’m doing this. Because I find that video provides more direct ways to share, experience and learn. And I'm all about expanding into new territories, stepping into the frightening Unknown, taking risks that help me grow, learn, and find more effective ways to contribute.

This is my truth, and I am glad you are part of it.

3 factors for a great relationship

Commitment:

both participants recognize the benefit and value of the relationship and are determined to make it work.

 

Authenticity:

requires honesty and candor on both sides. sincere care and genuinely expressed appreciation will be quickly perceived and will accelerate the evolving relationship.

 

Communication:

authentic communication that serves the connection will help convey the other two factors

2017— a year of letting go

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For me 2017 was a year of letting go. A year of challenges and changes of all sorts. I let go of my lover. I let go of a city I once loved. I let go of my home of 18 years. I let go of most of my possessions.

I let go of pride and hubris. I let go of some teachers, so new ones can appear and teach me what I don’t know yet. I let go of some judgments and outdated models of the world.

I let go of things, reactions and responses that gave me the illusion of comfort and protection. I let go of habitual ways of being that aren’t aligned with who I have become. I stretched myself waaaaaaaaaay beyond my already over-stretched comfort zone.

I let go of much that I loved. And some circumstances and people let go of me. In 2017 I faced the demon of rejection—multiple times. I learned that when I reach out for what’s not meant to be mine, or try to hold onto what I've already outgrown, change might look, feel and taste like rejection. It's painful and it sucks. Yet, I learned that what we call rejection is simply a way in which life rearranges itself.

2017 was a year of rearrangements for me. A year of re-seeing, rethinking and regrouping. In 2017 I let old structures fall apart. And now there is room for new paradigms and more rewarding experiences to unfold.

I bow in gratitude for 2017. For she brought a lot of gifts. And I welcome 2018 with the clear intention to experience more miracles, beauty and benevolent manifestations of all sorts.

2018 is for re-emerging. I'll be rising from the ashes—brighter than ever before.

Happy 2018, my friends! May it be a year of glorious new beginnings for all of us. May it be a year of miracles, fulfillment and heart-felt joy!

 

 

is leadership a role?

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A friend and a fellow Circling facilitator recently shared that when he's leading he cannot be himself. He thinks that being a leader is a role. I did not want to begin a dispute, so I said nothing—even though something in this statement did not land as true for me.

In the next few days, I continued thinking of what he said, so I decided to explore the topic and find out what it is for me to be a facilitator and a community leader.

So here is what feels true for me: being a leader is NOT a role.

In fact, while Circling, I become more of who I am. I am less guarded, more real, more honest and more attuned to what is true for me in each moment. I am more loving and more accepting—of others and of myself. 

I am certainly less judgmental. I am more compassionate, more patient and deeply rooted into my heart. I feel more alive, energized and fulfilled.

As a leader I am more visible and often more vulnerable than anyone else in the room. I feel almost naked as I show up honestly transparent, open and defenseless while also holding space for everyone else.

Facilitating for others transforms me. I'm growing tremendously when I’m being present and available to others. It comes from the level of my engagement and attention. It’s a result of listening so deeply that it helps me comprehend what the other is feeling or going through. That profound understanding often transforms their experience, but it also begins to change me.

I lead and I follow, simultaneously. I facilitate and I grow at he same time. I am the teacher and I am also the student. I am the observer and the participant. I am giving and I am receiving, in equal measure. I am open to the flow of life and to the beauty of each moment, without placing any pre-conceived expectations or requirements, and without being attached to a specific outcome. I relax in the natural flow of each moment blending into the next.

I believe we are here to learn how to love.

Each time I lead a circle I am becoming better at loving. And each time I'm closer to my true nature. Each time I am more aligned with who I am.

 

resistance vs. allowing

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There is a big difference between pushing against what you don’t want (resistance) and going in the direction of what you do want (flow).

This is a vibrational universe. When you vibrate in positive ways, it causes you to be in harmony with your Eternal Self. There is no resistance. When you are in a state of no resistance, you allow solutions to flow to you.

You are either in a state of resistance or in a state of allowing. Your emotions will tell you where you are: they reflect the physical vibration that you hold.

When you feel negative emotions (fear, doubt, anger, guilt, loneliness, frustration) this means you are focused on something you do not want. You are in resistance. When you are angry, you are fighting something, you want to change something, you want to control something (or someone) who doesn’t behave as you wish…

Every time you are in a state of resistance, you are preventing the very thing you want.

When you are praising or appreciating something; when you are acknowledging the value of something; when you look for positive aspects; when you are smiling, laughing, applauding, appreciating; when you are feeling joy, health and well being—there is no resistance in you. In these moments you are in vibrational harmony with who you really are. You are in flow.

Deliberate creation is about focusing on something that allows you to be in alignment with who you really are even when you are in the midst of negative experiences!

When you are focused on the solution, you are a vibrational match to the solution.

You cannot focus on a problem and be a vibrational match to the solution. The key is to focus in a way that you are feeling positive emotion because this positive emotion is the indicator that you are holding a thought, which is not resisting. When you are not resisting, you are allowing the creating of what you want.

Resistance is the thoughts you are thinking that do not match the vibration of what you want. That’s why the thoughts feel negative to you—they don’t match who you are! So when you feel anger, fear, doubt—remember that they point to what you want, and look for it.

Ask yourself: are the thoughts I’m currently thinking (the words I am speaking or the actions I am taking) an aspect of resistance, or an aspect of allowing and going in the direction I prefer?

Make this a practice and you will begin to see positive changes in your life.