unexpected insight

I thought that sharing a vision will be easy and fun. After all, focusing on the light and positive stuff—the things I desire—should be joyful and easy, right?

It turned out that it wasn’t as breezy as I was expecting it to be.

It was intense for me to speak about my own vision, during yesterday’s Tell-a-Vision Night. It was not easy for me to voice what I wanted—even though I was in the safe environment of my own home, surrounded by people I know and love.

To my surprise, as my desires were shaping into words, I stumbled onto emotions I didn’t expect to find: shame, skepticism and deep disbelief. As I verbalized my vision, the “Yeah, sure!” voice of doubt and mistrust was interrupting loudly.

I felt trapped in sticky beliefs that rushed through my body and announced their presence with loud knots of pain, body tension and inner restrain.  I felt the tightness in my pelvis. Fiery waves of Red and unexpected heat flushed over my entire body and suddenly hardened into deeply rooted Shame....

Where did all this come from?!!!—I wondered, baffled, shaken and surprised.  

A mysterious bulge in my throat prevented my words from flowing out freely and enthusiastically. The tears of shame and the hopeless attempt to hide it, stopped hesitantly at the rims of my eyes, but remained trapped beneath the painful lump in my throat—unable to release and provide the relief I needed, wanted and hoped for.

It was challenging for me to listen to the opposing voice of doubt, to feel the intense feelings that aroused in me as I was witnessing the very things that have been preventing me from realizing my vision.

This felt like it was centuries old. I sensed the presence of an entire line of women behind me and the vivid sense of deep ancestral pain. The vision of my goal seemed more and more distant and increasingly small. But these women were here, and I was feeling their pain, their shame, their confusion - along with my own...

I'm not sure yet how to clear this, but I imagine that when I do, it will not only resolve my own issues, but it will also release something that will be healing for all womankind—past and present.

Women's limiting beliefs around finances and well-being differ from those that affect men. It seems that I am assigned the task to transform them for all the women in my family who came before me…

Ooooh, there is so much more to tame, love and understand!

So much more to let go of.

And so much more to allow myself to have…