why I came back from Bali

Last night, at an all women, soul-sisters party, someone asked me why I came back from Bali after living there for six months. I imagine it’s hard to grasp the reasons for deciding to leave a luscious paradise and return to a city hell.

The truth is that while I was there, I realized that it’s time for me to stop trying to escape, to stop avoiding Reality and ordinary life. I returned to New York so I can finally learn how to BE HERE. On earth. In THIS reality. I came to plunge into the mess of real life and day-to-day stuff, without escaping into art. 

I came here because I knew I was ready to finally learn how to do life—abundant, messy, imperfect, unpredictable, real, first chakra human life. I came to NY again so I can learn to support myself in ways I’ve expected others (mainly men) to support me, in the past. I came here to build the foundation of my life in a new, solid way that can nurture me, hold me, keep me standing, and support the rest of my vision. I came here because I no longer want to avoid what I need to learn in this life. 

I am clear that my biggest spiritual growth right now is in the realm of the earthy, money-making, low chakras skill-gathering, “non-spiritual” realms of everyday life... and in reaching out to other people. I came here to connect with the too busy, seemingly less evolved New Yorkers who may need my teachings even more than the “enlightened” spiritual seekers in the East.

I came here to integrate and embody the insights and revelations I received while I was in Bali... to neutralize the many fears I faced and embraced... to claim my own power and my right to live well, without avoidance. I came here to begin again, this time motivated by inspiration and a true sense of purpose. 

I came here because I’m done with the phase of mere survival and I am ready for embodied transformation. I am ready to manifest a life deliciously fulfilling and new. I came back here because I no longer want to hide, not even in the luxury and beauty of the tropics.

Whether I like it or not, this is the place in which I need to be right now, to complete an important cycle as I'm also launching a new one…

I have no idea where I will live next, but for now I am clear that I need to be in New York. I am willing to face what I’d rather avoid. I am learning  new ways to create, to live, to love and to be. I am learning to make love to life—not to idealize it, reject it or endure it, but to actively and lovingly give to it and receive from it.