"To create increased masculine polarity and third-stage sexuality with a woman is easy to do; you could learn to do it in 30 seconds. But to sustain it you need to have practiced enough to not be distracted by your mind. Let’s use a heterosexual example since that’s how you seem to be asking the question and let’s say you’re sitting in a restaurant with a woman, so it’s not even explicitly sexual. You’re looking into each other’s eyes, sitting close across the table, intimate.
Now relax the front of your body. First you’ll notice that the front of your body is not relaxed. Your temples are crunched, your head is crunched, your throat is crunched, your tongue is crunched, your genitals are crunched. Your belly is crunched. Different people have different patterns, but you are crunching in some pattern you learned in your childhood. You are defending yourself as your mother/father stuff is all stored there. To relax through these patterns into what you are referring to as third-stage sex, you do whatever you have to as unique individual to open all that up. Maybe it is yoga, maybe it is massage, therapy, diet, exercise, every individual is different—whatever you need so the whole front of your body, the surface of your body, is relaxed in the restaurant.
Now imagine an inner line from the middle of your brain almost down through the back of your throat, through your heart, down through the center of your body. If you are a woman we could say this deep inner line goes through your cervix. As a man it would be through your balls, perineum, straight to the center–actually feel it. Your skin opens up. Now this might take somebody five years to achieve or 30 seconds. It depends on the tension accumulated, by how abused they were as a child, by what kind of work they have already done and how willing they are to relax from defending a sense of self.
With your skin and your body and mind so wide open, your full attention will be with her and she will notice, “Wow, what the hell is this?” She feels your presence, the most attractive part of a man. Every man ages, loses money, but their presence is their consciousness. When a woman says a man has great presence it’s because she feels this in his relaxation and free attention and it draws her attention to him. Again, I am using the word woman, but it could be another man, it could be between two women, but I am speaking about the feminine principle which magnetically draws her energy and her body towards his presence. She will lean towards him and her breath will shift and he’ll feel that. Her radiance which is natural and spontaneous lights up in her eyes. Her inner light glows, not just figuratively. Anyone at the table would see this happening. The feminine pays attention spontaneously through energy and motion, through energy-motion, e-motion. She’s laughing or sometimes will start crying when a man is that present because she’s never been penetrated deeply by a man’s willingness to feel, to love. As your heart stays open and relaxed she responds with increased radiance.
If something comes up, because something always comes up in life–let’s say the waiter walks up–now your measure as a conscious practitioner will be how you deal with these events that come up. How much of life can you deal with and then reconnect as full presence with her with the minimal accretions? So you say, “Excuse me.” You avert your eyes and deal with the situation, then come back, “Oh, where were we?”
In this example, you are continually keeping a thread between your heart and hers by worshiping and attending to her light. You naturally worship and attend to her radiance, and it becomes mutual adoration. She has never felt a man this present and you are feeling she’s the most beautiful woman you have ever seen right now. You are feeling, “I will do anything for her,” and she is feeling, “I would give myself to him.” You are just wide open and she is doing a similar practice on the more feminine-bodied side. That is one description of a third-stage sexual moment, in a restaurant.”
~ Excerpted from David Deida’s interview in Common Ground magazine, February 2016