what do you need? 

self-portrait, oil on linen 24”x29”

self-portrait, oil on linen 24”x29”

Most people, when asked this question, answer “Money”. Or “Time”.

But it’s not the money, nor the time, that we really need. Usually we need something else – that might be bought with money or attained in time. Money/time is just one of the means, a tool, that helps us to fulfill certain needs.

So I’d like to ask a different question – to clarify what’s under the desire for money.  Notice that I didn’t use the word NEED. Because when we say we need money, we really mean that we want money in order to get something else that we need. What is it for you?

My question is: what do you want money for?

You might say: “I want money to buy a house”. 

And what does a house represent for you?  Security? Safety? Protection? 

“A place where I belong. A place I call home. A place where I can have a family” — you might say. And that takes you closer to your real need.

Let me show you how to uncover deeply seated needs: 

For many years I kept a car in New York City. I didn’t really need a car. In fact, having a car in Manhattan is a nuisance. But I kept it. Why? What was my real need for keeping a car in NYC? 

For me, the answer is easy: having a car fulfills my need for freedom. It gives me the illusionthat I am free to leave anytime. The illusion that I am free.  

I like driving. When I drive I feel free, happy and light. I like the movement, the flow, the speed, the road that disappears into the open mouth of the red beast I sit in. 

I like the sense of being in charge – holding the steering wheel puts me in charge.  I like that when I drive a car I am the one who makes the decisions. I am the one in charge. Some people like to ride, to sit in the back and relax in the comfort of having no responsibility to navigate through traffic and get somewhere on time. 

I love making my way through. I like to position my car right in relation to other drivers. I like finding my place into the puzzle of traffic. I love the road dance. I love speed. I love movement. I love the exhilarating sense of going somewhere, of getting closer to the goal, of moving through. I love the journey. AND I like the destinations when I reach them…

My need is for freedom. 

My need is to be in flow. 

My need is for expression – because I sing as I find my way.

My need is for feeling self-reliant.  This brings me joy. I feel happy when I know that I’m self-reliant. 

That’s why I kept a car in Manhattan. It’s an expensive way to feel joyful, happy and free.

💥who else wants to feel freedom in life?💥

I realize that some of you don’t know me and this crazy journey of my life…so here’s a little background…see if you can relate to some of it!

I grew up in Bulgaria, being the “good girl”, doing what I thought I “should” do—go to college, get a good job, work hard, get married and be happy. 

I went to college, got the dream job…a really great job in the theater, with added gigs in television and the film industry. I had great friends and a good husband who loved me. We gave life to a beautiful baby boy.

Travelling from gig to gig with the baby in the back of the car and doing what I loved was thrilling. I was in my 20s and happy—making tons of money, doing interesting things, traveling and feeling so successful.

But…I wanted more. Professionally, I have quickly reached the glass ceiling and it seemed that there was very little room for me to grow. So I immigrated to the USA, in search of a bigger dream, more creative freedom and challenges that help me grow. 

I was surprised and disappointed to find out that theater here wasn’t as fulfilling career as I hoped it’d be. After walking the city with a giant portfolio in hand for few months and meeting key theater people, I landed a couple of promising gigs. They weren’t satisfying. The agent I saw told me that I needed to wait good 10 years before I can establish myself. Recently divorced and with a small child to take care of, volunteering jobs weren’t an option. 

I decided to shift to more profitable career and I ended up painting murals for large public spaces and fancy hotels. This was the time when mural paintings were in fashion in the States. I started working for a well known mural company, then got in business of my own. Soon I began to make tons of money. Five-figure fees for a single project that I could complete in a few weeks felt AMAZING! 

3 years into that career I was burned out, wasn’t fulfilled and I knew there was something else for me. So naturally, I stayed another 3 years. 🤷‍♀️😂😂

Meanwhile I got married again and began my third career as a fine art studio artist. What this means is that I spent my days in my studio, painting pretty paintings without looking for anyone’s approval. There was no paycheck either.

So I pressed on, creating a vast body of work that I could show to galleries and find representation. My dream was to have gallery exhibitions and consistent income from sold paintings. 

Fast forward and I was in my new art studio overlooking Times Square from the 16th floor of a fabulous Manhattan building! 

My taste was expensive. My profession was expensive. My lifestyle was expensive. Living in Manhattan and maintaining an art studio in addition to already extravagant living space, eventually became more difficult than I cared for.

I needed a backup plan. 

For months I soul-searched deep inside. 

I asked myself: What is my purpose? What will I enjoy doing for the rest of my life?  What qualities do I already have that I can utilize or develop further, in order to create a career that’s fulfilling for me? What does my soul want? What am I made for? Am I already on my Soul’s path, being an artist? Or is there something else for me? Something more impactful and rewarding?

Thank GOD, I ended up in Los Angeles, got my Masters’ Degree in Spiritual Psychology, and I knew NOW that there was something else for me. I was clear now that my purpose was bigger than what I was living.

Despite the glossy art openings, fancy exhibitions in galleries around the world and the large sums of money that came every now and then in exchange for my paintings, I wasn’t feeling fulfilled. I wasn’t feeling aligned. I wasn’t feeling happy. 

I loved the creative process, but I hated the rest. 

Outside the studio, the games of superficiality ruled. There was an image to be built, preserved and sustained. There were rules to be followed and strings to be pulled. There were masks to be worn and fake smiles to be smiled. There were words to be minced and connections to be made. There were “friendships” to be maintained. And there were so many rules and so little room for the expression of the Real Me… 

Living as an artist was becoming increasingly unsatisfying for me. The closer to the top I was, the more I had to pretend to be someone I was not. I have reached the biggest success I could possibly have as an artist, but something important in me was dying. I needed to preserve it and take care of it...

In 2012 I finally walked away from my art career, not knowing how to create what was next—a successful career as a life coach. I just knew I needed to contribute in more significant ways. I knew that I can make a bigger difference. And I was determined to show up fully for it. 

Taking that leap of faith changed everything for me.

I’ll tell you more of this journey later, but fast forward to today, 7 years later, and I am living my purpose 100% — supporting myself and my clients in continuing to experience more FREEDOM in their life and expression, encouraging people like you to stop playing small and live in their fullness. 

It is my greatest gift to be a coach and to support and witness my clients in their transformations.
🌟
So what about you? What in my journey resonates with you? Let’s dish. 

what does it mean to live in a higher vibration? 

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In my current process of growth and evolving I am focused on shifting my emotional states and living from a higher vibration. So I’ll be posting a few blogs on what it means to live in a higher vibration, how to attain it, and most importantly — how to maintain it.

So, how do you know when you live in a higher vibration? Here are just a few signs:

You live with ease. 

Your life is full of goals, dreams, authenticity. 

You have the ability to attract everything you desire. 

Everything is happening quickly. 

You don’t take things personally. 

You observe and allow.

You learn to relax and to let go of control. 

You can shift negative to positive. Quickly.

You liberate yourself from limiting believes. 

You replace the outdated beliefs with new, positive ones.

You feel good about yourself and the world.

authentic relating

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I’m not interested in fixing people.

But I love helping them discover, or recover, the pathways that lead them to becoming what they want to be—both as individuals and in relationship.

The experiences in yesterday’s group re-charged me and revived my passion for the work I’m doing.

Because there was an odd number of participants, I had to lead and participate at the same time. That always makes it more challenging for me, but as I got engaged I began to also enjoy it. The energy in the room felt compact and safe, somehow united—despite the challenging topic I have introduced. 

As we went deeper into the process, the men in the room began to reveal deeply insightful things that every woman would like to know. Something in me stood in quiet awe of the sacredness of each moment. After all, it’s not every day that men reveal so openly what’s important for them, what they like about women, what they believe about themselves, intimacy and relationships.

This was a beautiful group of brave men and women who had the courage to look inside and share insights with each other.

Towards the end of the event, one man eagerly shared: “I realize that here I’m saying things that I haven’t shared with any of the women I have been intimate with.  I am going to change this. I wonder what it would be like to actually have conversations like this with someone I care about.”

I feel grateful for all who showed up yesterday and dared to look inside and express so genuinely—thus giving permission to all of us to be more real, more connected, more aware.

I feel honored that they trusted me, and the process. There is something really heart-warming for me to witness men willing to grow, able to put their defenses down and show up as they are—amazing beings having a human experience.

 

if

If you don’t set up boundaries, you may start making space for yourself by cutting off from your feelings and distancing yourself emotionally.

If you don’t ask for what you want, you will certainly not get it.

Your relationship will only grow if you continuously take risks with each other. Risking being vulnerable is the most empowering thing you can do.

love

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Love may look like many things to many people. 

It may look like patience when you allow things to unfold the way they want to unfold.

It may look like tolerance and acceptance when you let people be what they need to be – even if you don't think it's terrific. 

Love may also look like being good to yourself and knowing that you are doing your very best.

It may be in serving someone without expecting recognition or gain.

It may be in simply living your life in honesty and integrity, and keeping your agreements with yourself and others.

And, of course, love can also come in many other forms and expressions.

So simply start by being in the loving and then let your expression and behavior come from that.

be yourself

You may have heard the saying “Be yourself”.

“But how do I do this?” - you may wonder, just as I did, for years. The invitation sounded vaguely alluring to me. I could sense that it must be beneficial in some way, but I had no idea what it really meant to be me, how to accomplish it, or where to even begin…Today, as a therapist and relationship coach, I know that a good place to begin is to find out what is true for you. What is true about you. And what it is that you need, desire and long for.

Once you know that, you can learn how to express it—so you and those around you feel safe, heard and understood.

 

This is the focus of The Art of Truth weekend training.

For many of us truth might be buried under layers of other people’s truth, social norms and expectations to accommodate or please others.  It might be difficult to express what we really feel or think—out of fear of disapproval and rejection.

If you’d like to discover what is your truth, so you can learn how to get what you need and want, feel good about yourself, trust yourself more and create more intimate connections with those you love, this weekend is for you.

the secret for deep emotional connection

Welcome to Part 4 of The Art of Truth video series!

In today’s video I will reveal the most important thing to remember when you communicate from this level of truth. It is the foundation for deep emotional connection with others.  

Knowing, expressing and communicating our truth is essential for our wellbeing.

How we do it is a skill. And skills can be learned.

Mastering the art of Truth is an important part of my work—I help people to find, voice and live their truth, so they can have better relationships and enjoy more fulfilling life. I facilitate workshops and trainings that teach people useful communication skills, to help them relate authentically.

In the upcoming The Art of Truth weekend training, we will be practicing the important skills of truthful communication that create deeper connection and can improve any relationship. Including yours.

 

speaking your truth is a habit

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As children, or as young adults we learned that to say the truth can be damaging or dangerous. We learned to withhold the truth, keep it in, sugarcoat it, say white lies or bluntly lie to protect others, or to shield ourselves from others’ anger…

Sharing your truth while staying connected to your heart’s truest desires is the focus of my work, and the key to the way I teach authentic relating. When working with me my clients learn (and practice) how to express in order to create connection and support closeness. I help them unlearn outdated habits and to discover why saying what’s true in each moment is preferable to withdrawal and disconnect.

You too can learn to navigate the depths of your shadow and shine light on what needs to be transformed. You too will know what to do when communication is infected by control dynamics. 

Attending to reality in a discerning, present and masterful way is a key to creating genuine connection and successful relationships. And this is at the foundation of working with me.

 

exploring your truth   

For me telling the truth is a spiritual practice.

Developing awareness of what’s true for us is the first step that opens the door to living authentically. To me this means aligning with our soul and honoring the whole Self.

In this 5-minute video I outline the two aspects of Level One of telling the truth.

See what resonates with you.