authentic relating

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I’m not interested in fixing people.

But I love helping them discover, or recover, the pathways that lead them to becoming what they want to be—both as individuals and in relationship.

The experiences in yesterday’s group re-charged me and revived my passion for the work I’m doing.

Because there was an odd number of participants, I had to lead and participate at the same time. That always makes it more challenging for me, but as I got engaged I began to also enjoy it. The energy in the room felt compact and safe, somehow united—despite the challenging topic I have introduced. 

As we went deeper into the process, the men in the room began to reveal deeply insightful things that every woman would like to know. Something in me stood in quiet awe of the sacredness of each moment. After all, it’s not every day that men reveal so openly what’s important for them, what they like about women, what they believe about themselves, intimacy and relationships.

This was a beautiful group of brave men and women who had the courage to look inside and share insights with each other.

Towards the end of the event, one man eagerly shared: “I realize that here I’m saying things that I haven’t shared with any of the women I have been intimate with.  I am going to change this. I wonder what it would be like to actually have conversations like this with someone I care about.”

I feel grateful for all who showed up yesterday and dared to look inside and express so genuinely—thus giving permission to all of us to be more real, more connected, more aware.

I feel honored that they trusted me, and the process. There is something really heart-warming for me to witness men willing to grow, able to put their defenses down and show up as they are—amazing beings having a human experience.

 

if

If you don’t set up boundaries, you may start making space for yourself by cutting off from your feelings and distancing yourself emotionally.

If you don’t ask for what you want, you will certainly not get it.

Your relationship will only grow if you continuously take risks with each other. Risking being vulnerable is the most empowering thing you can do.

love

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Love may look like many things to many people. 

It may look like patience when you allow things to unfold the way they want to unfold.

It may look like tolerance and acceptance when you let people be what they need to be – even if you don't think it's terrific. 

Love may also look like being good to yourself and knowing that you are doing your very best.

It may be in serving someone without expecting recognition or gain.

It may be in simply living your life in honesty and integrity, and keeping your agreements with yourself and others.

And, of course, love can also come in many other forms and expressions.

So simply start by being in the loving and then let your expression and behavior come from that.

be yourself

You may have heard the saying “Be yourself”.

“But how do I do this?” - you may wonder, just as I did, for years. The invitation sounded vaguely alluring to me. I could sense that it must be beneficial in some way, but I had no idea what it really meant to be me, how to accomplish it, or where to even begin…Today, as a therapist and relationship coach, I know that a good place to begin is to find out what is true for you. What is true about you. And what it is that you need, desire and long for.

Once you know that, you can learn how to express it—so you and those around you feel safe, heard and understood.

 

This is the focus of The Art of Truth weekend training.

For many of us truth might be buried under layers of other people’s truth, social norms and expectations to accommodate or please others.  It might be difficult to express what we really feel or think—out of fear of disapproval and rejection.

If you’d like to discover what is your truth, so you can learn how to get what you need and want, feel good about yourself, trust yourself more and create more intimate connections with those you love, this weekend is for you.

the secret for deep emotional connection

Welcome to Part 4 of The Art of Truth video series!

In today’s video I will reveal the most important thing to remember when you communicate from this level of truth. It is the foundation for deep emotional connection with others.  

Knowing, expressing and communicating our truth is essential for our wellbeing.

How we do it is a skill. And skills can be learned.

Mastering the art of Truth is an important part of my work—I help people to find, voice and live their truth, so they can have better relationships and enjoy more fulfilling life. I facilitate workshops and trainings that teach people useful communication skills, to help them relate authentically.

In the upcoming The Art of Truth weekend training, we will be practicing the important skills of truthful communication that create deeper connection and can improve any relationship. Including yours.

 

speaking your truth is a habit

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As children, or as young adults we learned that to say the truth can be damaging or dangerous. We learned to withhold the truth, keep it in, sugarcoat it, say white lies or bluntly lie to protect others, or to shield ourselves from others’ anger…

Sharing your truth while staying connected to your heart’s truest desires is the focus of my work, and the key to the way I teach authentic relating. When working with me my clients learn (and practice) how to express in order to create connection and support closeness. I help them unlearn outdated habits and to discover why saying what’s true in each moment is preferable to withdrawal and disconnect.

You too can learn to navigate the depths of your shadow and shine light on what needs to be transformed. You too will know what to do when communication is infected by control dynamics. 

Attending to reality in a discerning, present and masterful way is a key to creating genuine connection and successful relationships. And this is at the foundation of working with me.

 

exploring your truth   

For me telling the truth is a spiritual practice.

Developing awareness of what’s true for us is the first step that opens the door to living authentically. To me this means aligning with our soul and honoring the whole Self.

In this 5-minute video I outline the two aspects of Level One of telling the truth.

See what resonates with you.

I have to be honest with you

I have to be honest with you. I've started making videos–and it's frightening.

Showing up on video is a huge stretch for me. I am more used to being behind the camera, not in front of it.
 
I’m an introvert. I’m super-sensitive, self-conscious and camera-shy. 
English is not my native language and I sometimes stumble to find the right words. Staring at the single eye of a camera and speaking into The Void is terrifying to me.
 
And yet I’m doing this. Because I find that video provides more direct ways to share, experience and learn. And I'm all about expanding into new territories, stepping into the frightening Unknown, taking risks that help me grow, learn, and find more effective ways to contribute.

This is my truth, and I am glad you are part of it.

3 factors for a great relationship

Commitment:

both participants recognize the benefit and value of the relationship and are determined to make it work.

 

Authenticity:

requires honesty and candor on both sides. sincere care and genuinely expressed appreciation will be quickly perceived and will accelerate the evolving relationship.

 

Communication:

authentic communication that serves the connection will help convey the other two factors

2017— a year of letting go

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For me 2017 was a year of letting go. A year of challenges and changes of all sorts. I let go of my lover. I let go of a city I once loved. I let go of my home of 18 years. I let go of most of my possessions.

I let go of pride and hubris. I let go of some teachers, so new ones can appear and teach me what I don’t know yet. I let go of some judgments and outdated models of the world.

I let go of things, reactions and responses that gave me the illusion of comfort and protection. I let go of habitual ways of being that aren’t aligned with who I have become. I stretched myself waaaaaaaaaay beyond my already over-stretched comfort zone.

I let go of much that I loved. And some circumstances and people let go of me. In 2017 I faced the demon of rejection—multiple times. I learned that when I reach out for what’s not meant to be mine, or try to hold onto what I've already outgrown, change might look, feel and taste like rejection. It's painful and it sucks. Yet, I learned that what we call rejection is simply a way in which life rearranges itself.

2017 was a year of rearrangements for me. A year of re-seeing, rethinking and regrouping. In 2017 I let old structures fall apart. And now there is room for new paradigms and more rewarding experiences to unfold.

I bow in gratitude for 2017. For she brought a lot of gifts. And I welcome 2018 with the clear intention to experience more miracles, beauty and benevolent manifestations of all sorts.

2018 is for re-emerging. I'll be rising from the ashes—brighter than ever before.

Happy 2018, my friends! May it be a year of glorious new beginnings for all of us. May it be a year of miracles, fulfillment and heart-felt joy!